So, it’s been a while since I put pen to paper…or I guess fingers to keypad. But I need somewhere that I can come back to in the future to reread about this particular season of my life, I needed to get it out to truly process it.
I think I need to start with explaining how I feel right now after possibly – actually no – definitely, the hardest time of my whole life. But you know what? I survived it and I feel more at peace than I think I have ever felt. More content with who I am and more importantly whose I am, because without knowing that I am a daughter of God, I truthfully don’t think I would be typing this from such a place right now.
The verse John 14:27 has been my mantra and truly that is all I have, God’s peace in my life. Even through such heartbreak and confusion I still felt as though I was in the eye of the storm. Don’t get me wrong I was IN the storm with cows whizzing by me and my body being lashed by wind and rain, but I felt at peace. Knowing that God was looking after me no matter what!
2016 was supposed to be the year I had more fun, after my Dad told me I was ‘thinking’ too much (which means stressing too much). But FUN is definitely not a word I would use to describe this year at all! I’ve faced many, many life challenges, both professionally and personally. All of which have seemed to be worse than the last. But each time God taught me something new and drew me into Him, which is a really special place to be.
I did not ever think that 2 and a half weeks after my 26th birthday I would be writing about the fact that I am unemployed and have no idea what my next step in life will be. Especially after I thought I pretty much had it all figured out. I’d finished Uni, gotten what I thought was my dream job and finally living in house that I really love! I’ve always had a next step or at least a general idea of what I wanted next. But here I am. Not sure what to do. And not as scared as I thought I would be.
I am so sure that I went through all of these really, super crappy things so that He could teach me some important life lessons.
To teach me to trust Him.
To teach me there is more to me and more to my life than being a teacher (which is a tough one because I think that has always been my identity to some degree).
To teach me that there is so many people in my life that love me and support me. Lucky me!
To teach me that He can take anything away from me (friends, jobs, opinions, thoughts) until I only have Him, which I have learnt is all I need.
How is it that sometimes we need to be whacked on the head with a 4×2 before we actually realise something?! I think God has been trying all year to get me to this place but I was too stubborn and stuck in my ways (I am a creature of habit!) to fully let go and say “Alright God, this life is Yours”. And it is still a day-by-day decision that I have to make.
So as I look out to my future, not having any idea of what it holds for me, I know that whatever it is I can handle it because I’ve got God on my side (and some pretty amazing friends and family too!). What does your future hold?